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(Secombe) Now examine it closely and read what it says on the very small print on the back of the label

(Sellers) Note that it's contents are invaluable for pea soup, falling ears, irritation of the nurglers, exterminating socks and preserving eggs

(Milligan) And that doctors strongly recommend it as a cure for the lurgi, the on-set of the nadgers, spots before the ankles, soft shoulders, pink toenail and acute emulsion on the legs
So ooooo (ow!)
If you're turning pimply and your knees are turning blue
Don't be nervous simply, try Eeh! Ah! Oh! Oh! Ooh!
Practice every morning and you'll find that you
Almost without warning will be Eeh! Oh! Ah! Oh! Ooh!

(Secombe) Combat, cure infection with this latest thing
Follow the directions and PING!

(Milligan) Now the nights are colder you'll find what to do
Write on the folder: Just Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh!

(Sellers) When the plin affects you, or you got the flu
You'll find what protects you is Eeh! Ah! Nicky! Nu!
Better than the whisky, brandy, gin or glue
Makes your liver frisky does Eeh! Or! Ah! Nu!

(Milligan/Eccles) And for making coffee or for going deaf
Making me a coffee and ya ha ya ya ha

(Secombe) So if you get heated, don't get in a stew
Hold your breath, be seated and Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh!

(All) So when your out of kizzel and the rent is due
Just a tiny spoonful will do
And Oh! Ah! Arg! Oh! Glug! Arg! Arc! Arg! Ooh!

[Disgusting Donkey noises]

(Sellers/Bloodnok) Oh - Oh! that's better!