Adapted by Spike Milligan. Performed by The Goons (1978).

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Lyrics

(Moriarty) Oh, oh! Let me out -- my only crime is eating
(Secombe) Don't worry -- I'll give the screws a song
The warden won't mind
(Bloodnok) No -- he's doing bird as well. Maestro!
(Moriarty) Take your partners for the ball and chain one step
One, two, three

(Bloodnok) May I have this dance warden, you can hold my ball
(Secombe) In a little prison where I'm locked in there is a most
peculiar fellow
His name is Eccles and he's is in cell nine
But his voice is soft and mellow
He keeps a fruit cart in his cell, and all the convicts knows it
He doesn't sing or rave about his fruit
-- he simply blows it

(Bloodnok) He's doing it all night long
(Secombe) It's better than any song
No, it isn't very pretty, but you've got to admit its cute
(Bloodnok) Never, never
(Secombe) So all together let it go -- eat more fruit!

(Bloodnok) Don't tell me he's come to stay
(Secombe) Let the wardens here him say
Fruit's in season! Let's be merry! Apples, plums and the old raspberry
Everything is fresh today
(Bloodnok) Don't let him get near me, please!

(Secombe) Every Friday night when work is done
He doesn't waste a minute
To the prison warden he hurries 'round where he sings just like a linnet
To hear him blow a melody it's great, you can't deny it
And if you've nothing else to do,
we'd like the screws to try it
(Bloodnok) No more, please!

(Secombe) Get ready and do it now
(Eccles) It's easy when you know how
(Bloodnok) God knows it isn't very pretty
(Secombe) You've got to admit it's cute
(Bloodnok) Well....
(Secombe) All together let it go -- eat more fruit
(Bloodnok) There isn't a cure they say!
(Secombe) Let the screws all hear him say:
(Eccles) Don't eat farm laid for a <wow!>
(Secombe) Every thing is fresh today

(Bluebottle) Hello everybody, remember me, Bluebottle?
I'm fourteen now and I have got boils
<sings> Though I don't look very pretty, I'm wearing my
new brown suit.
The only trouble with it is when I go outside I'm struck
my fruit.
(Bloodnok) Don't point him at him I say
(Secombe) It's a treat to hear him play
Fruit's in season, plums and berries
Apples, pears and the old raspberry

(All) Every thing is fresh to day

(Bloodnok) Someone open a window, please!